Recently, we've been hearing from a few parties interested in potentially adapting Cradle into a series of movies. We're excited for the opportunity, but in order to make the series more market-friendly, we've been asked to make a few minor tweaks.
Nothing that should affect the series too much, I'm sure.
--First off, they were concerned that Lindon was too intimidating and large, so they decided to cast a scrawny kid with glasses. His black hair and pale skin will remain the same.
--The system of sacred arts in the books tends to be pretty complex, so instead of learning from a bunch of different sects and schools, we decided to set it in one big school so that the viewer can learn along with the reader.
--The violence was a little much, and I had to agree, so techniques will now be used through pointy sticks instead of actual weapons.
--The CGI budget couldn't handle a giant turtle, but we didn't want to re-cast Orthos as something else, so instead of a large black turtle, Lindon will now be mentored in his Path by a small white owl.
--Now that Lindon's a lot shorter, there's a bit of concern that he won't stand out as well on screen, so they've given him a distinctive mark on the face so you can recognize him immediately. Some kind of scar on the forehead, I think, or maybe a facial tattoo. I'll have to check on that one.
--Eithan being only a little older than Lindon didn't test well with audiences, so we've now made him incredibly old and wise, with a long white beard and some half-moon spectacles.
--Lindon and Yerin were too serious by themselves, so we're giving them a third friend, a red-headed sidekick who exists mostly as comic relief.
--Yerin is now Hermione.
I've been gone for three months, and I only gave you two reports on what I was doing, so that means I owe you a final report on what I've been doing!
Spoiler Alert: the answer is "not much."
But before that, just to let you know, Cradle: Path of Gold (the second collection of books, so volumes 4-6) is FREE today! And maybe for a couple of days, I don't know. But if you're halfway through the series and you want to pick up three Kindle books for free, now's the time!
Of course, these books are always free to listen on Audible Plus, but I know some people are like me and prefer to read with their eyes rather than their ears.
Anyway, on to what I've been doing...
I took a week and stayed in a cabin writing for fun, as I suggested I would last time. I enjoyed it, but I didn't come away with a BIG IDEA or half a book or something, like I was kind of hoping.
Instead, I came out with a bunch of little ideas. Some of them might crawl their way to you at some point, but for the most part they were just a way to stretch my writin' muscles.
I did a lot of reading this last week or two--mostly a week--because I finally started on The Wandering Inn. And there is, uh, there is a LOT of it. I've read two million (ish) words in the last week (ish) and I'm not even at the halfway mark yet. Plus it's ongoing.
I might end up recommending it, but I'm told the best is yet to come, and I want to at least catch up before I offer my humble opinion.
Let's see, what else? I got my sister started on Stardew Valley after years of attempts on my part, and now she's losing sleep to make sure her flowers make perfect rows down to her crops.
It's been weird coming back, because I used to have more work to do. I had a lot to do other than just write, and now most of those non-writing tasks have been taken over by members of The Team, so I'm feeling kind of superfluous right now.
Hey, more time for writing!
First off, I'm back!
For those of you who may be new here or might have forgotten, my name is Will. I'm primarily known for my full-time job as a sleep paralysis specter, but some of you may have read my books I guess.
It's funny, because in some ways it feels like I've been gone forever, and in other ways I feel like I was just writing Bloodline like two days ago.
But I wasn't!
I know a lot of you have been wondering if I took a break at all, since it turns out Bloodline is coming out April 6th instead of in June or July. Like maybe I bamboozled you, or wrote a book on my vacation. I assure you, I did not!
I finished Bloodline before going on break. When I wrote the blog post in December, I really had intended to be done with the book by then, and I wasn't quite finished yet. But I finished in the last couple weeks of December, before I went on the break, and I kept it a surprise!
Honestly, I doubt I could have taken a long break like this successfully with an incomplete book over my head. Any of my other tasks or duties I could postpone, but the book would have haunted me. I would have been thinking about it the whole time and would have come back ready to change everything.
By finishing it, I could let it go! Mostly. I still kept thinking of things I could change or add or improve, but that's just kind of how it always is. There's no escaping that trap completely.
I gnawed my foot off to try and escape, but it didn't help.
Then just a few days before I was scheduled to finish my break, the pre-order for Bloodline hits #1 in the Kindle Store, and we're already deep into the book launch process, which is pretty crazy! We're hitting the ground running!
Speaking of which, release stuff:
--Starting tomorrow, there's a sale on the merch store for 15% off all merchandise using the promo code "LITTLE BLUE" (sale lasts for ten days)! This is to celebrate the release of the Bloodline merchandise, I'm pretty sure. But it doesn't matter why, does it? It's a sale.
--Just to remind you: paperback copies of Bloodline will go up for sale a day or two before the official release date, so that those of you who care about paper copies are more likely to get your books on the actual day of release.
--The aerosol and psychic vibration versions of the story are available only in alternate dimensions, and cannot be side-shipped to the material plane at this time. If you believe you may qualify for such copies, please conduct a standard summoning ritual and consult with our dimensional services manager, Brrgmoth.
--And speaking of alternate versions, the audio version of Bloodline will be available on April 6th just like the other two versions! We've said this before, but we do keep getting questions about it. I assure you, the audio version will be out.
However, the rest of the Cradle audiobooks are free to listen with any Audible subscription as part of the Audible Plus program, but Bloodline will not be. At least not at launch. I assume it will be eventually, but I can't guarantee that because I'm not Audible.
--Finally, I've missed you all!
I await your response to the next book with a mixture of excitement and spine-freezing fear, as is tradition. But I do hope you enjoy it.
Thanks for reading!
Hello all, beta reader gnome here.
I come to you kicking and screaming voluntarily in my hat and my feet firmly planted in the garden. Thankfully they have left my hands free so that I can pen this missive to you all. First, I’d like to address the question you all are inevitably asking and scheming about. No, you can’t become a beta reader by asking. I became a beta reader due to a blood pact I made with Will after we experienced an incident with a hippo and a hula hoop. I saved his life by sacrificing my hair, and this work was my reward. Yes, being a beta reader is work. While you all are racing to finish the book in 4 minutes, we have to meticulously pore over an unfinished and unpolished draft.
That is the actual first thing I’ll tell you all, what we actually do. I know it sounds all cool that I get the book earlier than everyone else, but really it’s only [some arbitrary percent] cool. Will’s a great writer, but sometimes he needs help to work out some rough patches in a draft. And you do that by getting feedback. That’s where I and my fellow readers come in. We read this rougher draft and we give feedback on it. There are no bloopers, sometimes Will just substitutes in a [scene goes here], and there’s even the occasional ape attack. That’s right, we sacrifice our first reads so you all can get a better one. Now don’t get me wrong, I love doing this. But there is some small part of me that wishes I could read that fresh, polished book like the rest of you.
So, let’s get into this feedback. My personal approach is to give both macro and micro feedback. I have chapter wrap-ups and whole book feedback, but I also note sections or moments that stick out to me in either a positive or negative way. Positive feedback is just as important as negative, Will needs to know what I liked as well as what didn’t work for me. I tend to focus on the overarching plot, character, and general story flow. I know you might be thinking “Wait! I don’t care about those things! What about the length of Lindon’s left pantaloons or how many times Lindon punches a clown!?” Don’t worry, there’s someone else for that! Will has multiple readers who cover all his bases, really, I guarantee you it’s all covered. However, that doesn’t mean we have absolute power over what Will ends up putting in the book. That brings me to the next topic.
In the end, Will is the final arbiter of what changes in the draft. He treats all of our feedback as suggestions and he should. Will shamelessly steals from Neil Gaiman and says, “A reader knows what they don’t like, but they don’t actually know how to fix it.” He’s right. At a certain point we just trust Will to know what’s best, and 99% of the time, he does. There were plenty of times where I suggested something that Will fixed in a wildly different and better fashion. We also don’t know everything behind the scenes either. Will doesn’t give us a “this is what this is alluding to” manual, so we’re as much in the dark about the future as the rest of you. We get these books one at a time. So if there is something in the interest of setting something up in future books, Will keeps it. In the end, Will knows what serves his stories best.
Finally, let’s get down to the real secrets. Where is Oz- Oh no! They’ve noticed my hands are still free! I can go on no longer. Before they get me, I hope this was an informative look into the beta reading process and I hope you all enjoy the book!
Bloodline out in print, ebook, and audiobook April 6th, merch up now on the Will Wight store! Preorder for ebook and audio live NOW, exclusively on Amazon and Audible! Also, don’t forget you can listen to all 8 currently released Cradle books on Audible Plus for the price of FREE WITH A MEMBERSHIP!
The next blog post will come from Will himself who’s currently rebuilding his own bodily infrastructure on the slopes of Mount Sinai. His return is imminent.
Hey everybody! Will’s brother and Emotional Confidant Sam here to highjack his blog and show off my affinity for click-bait titles. Today starts the Audible and ebook preorder for Bloodline, releasing on April 6. We generally get asked a lot of similar questions around book launch time, so here’s a quick FAQ about the release:
The main question we’re getting asked right now revolves around Will’s break and the fact that no one can trust what he says since he is the father of lies. But trust me, the brother of lies, when I tell you that he really did go on break. He’s been off the whole time and hasn’t written anything Cradle-related. Was Bloodline actually written by Will? Is it secretly only 13 pages long? Did we intentionally muddy the public timeline and have him complete the book before break so he could feel entirely relaxed and not have a book hanging over his head? THE WORLD IS SO FULL OF MYSTERY! His return is imminent though, dependent on us recovering his body from the Mariana Trench.
That’s all the serious news to be conveyed, but this is the first time I’ve been allowed to touch Will’s blog so I want to put some real-life information out there…
Will gets asked a lot about his personal inspiration for characters, scenes, and lines of dialogue. People often want to know if certain things in his books come from real life experiences/people he knows. For the most part, the genuine answer is that his inspiration doesn’t come from anything personal at all. Some of my earliest memories involve him creating stories from thin air to entertain my six-year-old brain with nothing fuelling him but his own imagination. There is ONE THING in Cradle that is a direct rip off of his actual life though. One specific nuance to everyone’s favorite blond protagonist that comes entirely from Will’s life:
The man is obsessed with scissors. Literally at any given point, Will has several pairs of scissors lying around his room. They’re his favorite thing to fidget with and there have been more than a few times when he’s casually doing some monotonous task, while idly scratching his face with scissors. It’s basically just a matter of time until he stabs himself. But that’s DEFINITELY where Eithan’s preferred weapon comes from. Not sure if it was a subconscious add to the series, but here we are.
The hype around Bloodline is incredible and we genuinely want to thank everyone for being so patient and supportive of Will during his break. The mental refresher was necessary, and it meant a ton to him that the vast majority of the fan base was behind him. You're the real MVPs. Looking forward to those in-depth Reddit reviews,
P.S. If you haven’t noticed yet, there may, or may not, be a previously unreleased audio clip floating around somewhere. And it may, or may not, already be up on this site and Will’s other social media pages…
Two months with no writing, and I have unlocked a new level of existence. I can see flavor now, taste color, and hear bad Internet connections.
I’d love to check in with you guys about what I’ve been doing, but the answer is largely “Nothing.” It’s been great.
I’ve been playing a lot of Valheim. Finished One Piece, and followed up with Dragon Ball. I saw Willy’s Wonderland, a Nicholas Cage comedy/horror movie that’s effectively “John Wick gets trapped inside Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza,” and it now might be my favorite movie of all time.
Last month, my goal was to crash and recover. This month, my goal was to do some new things that I normally don’t have the time to do...and I didn’t do a whole lot of that, tbh. The pandemic/quarantine gets in the way of most of my plans.
This last and final month, I’m setting aside some actual writing time, just not for Cradle. For whatever side projects I want to waste time on. I’m looking forward to it!
Until then, my radio silence continues. I miss you all! Especially you.
First off, I intended to blog at the beginning of my break, but I had to give up before I smashed my computer into little tiny pieces.
When I tried to blog on the first day, Weebly (the service through which I managed my site) mandated a password change before I could log in. I reset my password, and my password reset went through, but the email to change my password didn't. Leaving me lunging at my laptop with a hammer while my loved ones wrestled me down.
Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed, so I was able to start my break peacefully. At the time, I intended to stay connected through social media, so it didn't matter if I blogged at the beginning or not.
But I quickly realized that I need a break from social media too.
When I checked my Reddit or my Facebook or Twitter or whatever, I was mentally still working. I kept thinking about the next book, and what we could do later on in the series, and basically still thinking like an author.
I needed to cut that off, so I've been on a strict no-social-media diet for a month now.
I did not expect that to be necessary, and it's been difficult, but it's been good for me.
So that's where I've been all this time, cooped up in my Regeneration Pod with no phone waiting for my Reddit addiction to die down. Which begs the question: what have I been doing?
Well, in the first week off I didn't do much of anything. I don't remember much. Probably many YouTube videos were watched. I pretty much coma-d non-stop.
Second week, I spent most of my time catching up on my reading. I read between a million and a million and a half words that week, which was nice and refreshing as I haven't done that in a while.
I spent some time in a cabin in the woods, played a truly disgusting amount of Minecraft, bought the Dragon Ball manga (now I own the complete series; I only had the DBZ half before), and picked up my re-read of One Piece where I left off last year (right after the Paramount War arc).
Essentially, I've been having a nice, relaxing time! There's a lot I wanted to do that COVID prevents--visiting friends, traveling internationally, cruising, forming a Team-Rocket-style evil organization to take over the world--but within those restrictions, I've been having fun!
Physically and mentally, the break has been great so far, and while I regret having to step away from you guys for so long, I definitely needed it. It's only this week that I've stopped thinking about the business and book sales and the future of the series, because it took that long for my previous thought patterns to reset.
I'm installing a manual reset button in the back of my skull to expedite this process next time.
P.S. For all you One Piece readers out there, I'm regularly amazed at how great One Piece is and has stayed for so long. What great, resonant, emotional storytelling. Having said that, Punk Hazard sucks and I hate it.
It’s been thirty days since my last blog post, which is the longest I ever go between posts. I’ve written at least one post per month since June 2013, and I want to keep that record going as long as I can.
You may think it’s because I loved Iron Prince so much that I wanted to give everybody a chance to see it, but the reality is more selfish: I’ve been putting off writing this post.
What you’re reading now is the longest and most personal version of this story, but I’ve written shorter versions on Facebook and Reddit. If you only have ten seconds before you have to turn and fire your pistol, check there.
Here’s the deal: I’m taking the first three months of 2021 off work.
I’ve already gotten pretty far into Bloodline, but I’m not done yet. I was hoping to be finished by now, but I’m not. And I need a break.
So I’ll keep working on the book this month, but after that, I’ll be heading off to regions unknown.
“Regions Unknown” is what I call my gaming PC.
I’ve covered the highlights on my other social media pages, but I’m about to dig into my journey here. Content warning for those of you sensitive to personal details, recapping, and/or sincerity.
Ready? Off we go…
First, let’s back up to Summer, 2019. I threw out my back-ish, neck-ish, shoulder-ish area.
Anatomy is not a required subject for a Creative Writing degree.
Because of that, I was lying flat on my back for a week, and it ended up resulting in two weeks of lost writing time. During that experience, I learned that I had caused my injury by “being on a computer all day every day” and “never taking any breaks” and “having the posture of a twisted little goblin.”
So I added stretches and exercises into my routine, and I began taking regular breaks throughout the day.
About half a year later, in January of this year, I pulled my neck-ish thingy again.
This time, it resulted in essentially a month of not-writing-Elder-Empire.
I had to take it up a notch. I significantly increased my exercise, physical therapy, and visits to the mysterious healing fairy who lives in the spring behind my house.
That’s honestly working great, and I’ve been much better since then. I literally didn’t think it was possible for me to write books while taking a break every 1-2 hours, but you’d be amazed what you can accomplish when you train a pack of gibbons to run howling into the room and haul you from the keyboard every hour on the hour.
But no matter how much stretching and exercise you do, you can’t out-stretch a twelve-hour writing marathon every day for eight weeks at a time.
Physically, I need a break.
I’m really not in bad shape (I mean, in regards to this injury. In general, I’m in slightly worse shape than the Pillsbury Dough Boy), so this isn’t a plea for sympathy or anything. I just figure an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and I need to ease off the gas pedal before this BECOMES a real chronic problem in a few years.
And now my favorite subject: emotions.
I didn’t talk about this at the time because I didn’t want people deciding ahead of time these books were going to suck, and I haven’t talked about it since then because sincere expression of emotion burns me like elf-crafts burn Gollum, but the process of writing OKAK sucked.
I’m proud of the result, and I think I ended Elder Empire well. But the experience of writing the books was miserable, from the first week to the last.
It had been too long since I’d written the last pair, and I had zero remaining vision for the books, so I had to start from scratch (not literally, but it felt that way).
On top of that, I had set so many things up that I had to be very careful not to violate any established facts in a canon I hadn’t visited for five years. Which just…kills my passion. I hate having to nitpick every little detail and make sure everything’s in the right place. It feels like the opposite of creativity to me.
On top of the top of that top, I wrote these books really quickly so I wouldn’t have to delay Cradle too much. But they’re impossible to write “fast,” so it just meant strings of long days.
And on top of THAT, Elder Empire has always been really hard to write.
However, people tend to think that an enjoyable writing process = an enjoyable reading process. Not true. I feel like the books turned out really well, and the reviews seem to agree with that.
Speaking of great reviews, that brings me to Wintersteel.
As you know, Lindon is the money-maker ‘round these parts, and Elder Empire delayed me by quite a few months. Without even having the grace to pay the bills for that time.
So I was running late on Cradle, and I had to jam out a sequel ASAP. Using a new process that I hadn’t ever tried before.
Fortunately, that process worked, but at that point it had been almost a year since I wrote Uncrowned. Details had leaked out of my head, and in the beta reading process, we caught several plot mistakes and causality violations, even up to the day before turning the manuscript into Audible.
Meaning I not only pushed the book out as quickly as I was capable of doing it, but the editing also took more work than usual.
Then after that, I immediately moved on to Bloodline, because I was initially trying to finish it before I took a break. (Sorry.)
All that to say I’m tired. I’m really tired, guys.
When I first started writing, as I’ve told you before, I didn’t know how long I was going to be able to write for a living, so I kept the books a-coming to keep the lights on.
Then, during 2015-2016—the Elder Empire Era—I couldn’t stop because I wasn’t making enough money to live on.
It wasn’t until after Soulsmith, or maybe Blackflame, that I could potentially take a long break like this one. And I still had OKAK dangling over my head, plus I didn’t want to hang you out to dry with no Cradle book for too long.
Now OKAK is finished at last, and if you have to hang on something, at least Wintersteel is a pretty comfortable hook.
Finally, I’ve always wished people could take more time off just to take care of themselves.
I think it’s necessary. It’s a shame that so many people are in situations where they can’t ever afford time to rest…and even for those that can, it’s often treated as “wrong.” Like you’re letting everybody down by taking a serious break.
But I’m fortunate enough to finally be in a situation where I can take such a break, so I’m gonna put my money where my mouth is.
If I’m going to be releasing books steadily for the rest of my career, which I certainly intend to, then I need to either slow down or take a longer break (like this one) every few years.
And who wants to slow down?
Speaking of which, we’re still on track to release Bloodline and one other book in 2021. Same two books as usual, or I wouldn’t be taking a break at all.
And it’s not like I’ll be gone completely for three months. I’ll still be checking social media here and there, and I plan to continue my one-to-four-posts-a-month blog schedule.
Gotta keep that perfect attendance record.
For those of you who made it to the bottom of this news that, I know, will come as a disappointment to many of you: thanks as usual—and as always—for reading!
Now this is what I'm talking about.
I've seen Iron Prince, by Bryce O'Connor and Luke Chmilenko, called "Cradle meets Ender's Game."
Yep. That's what it is.
Imagine, if you will, Lindon going through the space combat training in Ender's Game using the level-up system from Solo Leveling. That's the pitch, okay? That's an accurate general vibe.
But that's just what gets you in the door.
This is a sci-fi setting, and what a setting. The authors had to have put in a truly staggering amount of work into making this world feel lived-in and complete.
This whole story is about a guy named Rei learning to cyborg fight using a super-advanced semi-magical weapon that bonds with him and gives him superhuman upgrades that he has to gradually unlock.
How does he unlock them, you ask? By working himself to death...and fighting.
There's combat, tons of combat, so much combat that you might be like "But Will, isn't that too much combat?" After I put up one finger to silence your beautiful mouth, I would whisper "No. And how dare you."
Because it really isn't. Each fight is tactical and crunchy, not to mention visually spectacular, but almost all the battles also teach you something about the combat system and the world, have high emotional stakes for the main character, and advance the plot in some way.
You know how some stories, including some stories written by me, have fights that are just there to BE fights and don't really seem necessary to the plot or the emotions of the characters?
That is almost entirely absent here. The authors go to great lengths to make sure that the stakes of each battle are clearly laid out.
Now, I did say almost entirely absent. I'll get to that. But you can afford one or two fights that aren't strictly necessary when you have so...much...page space.
Oh, did I not mention it's eleven hundred pages long?
This is a thicc one, ladies and gentlemen.
For being the size of the first three books of Cradle, it also has progression appropriate for that length. Rei starts buried beneath the bottom of the barrel and desperately claws his way to the top.
Only, of course, for you to realize that the "top" is really just the beginning.
Whenever I recommend a book, I try to be fair enough to share its weaknesses as well. I want you to hear my passion for the story, but I don't want you to think I'm saying it's perfect. No story is, so I'll get into the drawbacks in just a second.
Right after I reiterate that these were but tiny ticks on the back of a majestic tiger. Okay? None of these problems remotely held me back from giving this book my coveted golden W sticker of approval.
1.) While most of the fights are necessary, some aren't.
There are a few fights we watch that are just fights for the sake of fights. As a rule of thumb, when nobody whose name you already know is competing, it's safe to skim the fight.
2.) The technical fight descriptions can sometimes be too detailed.
Is this just a sub-heading of the first one? Maybe it should be 1a.
Anyway, even the great fights are described blow-by-blow. Which is for the most part to the book's overwhelming benefit, but some contests go on a lot longer than they perhaps should because we see every single blow.
3.) A handful of minor dialogue issues.
Now, I think the dialogue as a whole in this book is actually pretty strong. Characters come across as relatable but professional, motivated and educated, and convey their emotions clearly and believably.
But there are some times when a line falls flat here and there, some characters who sound a little too much like one another, frequent uses of lines like "dummy" and "jerk" to tease friends, etc.
Just enough that, collectively, I thought I'd mention them as a nitpick. Nothing that puts a fly in my soup or an angry wolverine in my hat.
4.) One particular romantic sub-plot between major characters.
I don't want to get to any spoiler territory here, but this was the only part of the book that I would actually call a problem, rather than something that could perhaps be tweaked.
Essentially, one of the main character's friends starts pursuing a relationship with the antagonist even after the guy has repeatedly assaulted the main character.
This would be like if Malfoy pulled a gun on Harry in front of the whole class, and the next day Hermione asked Malfoy out. Really soured me on that character for the rest of the book.
Those are the worst complaints I could come up with.
Were any of them deal-breakers? No. Not by a long margin. If I'm nitpicking about a romantic sub-plot that didn't even involve the main character, then my biggest complaint is but a gnat landing on the radiant mustache of God.
Incidentally, I enjoyed the main character's romance sub-plot. Mainly because his love interest is a cool person, I believe their chemistry together, and she does awesome things in this book with the promise of more to come in the future.
Here's my Pros list.
1.) Book good. Read book.
This is the sort of deep analytical insight you only learn after extensive education and a long writing career.
For real, everybody, this is a good one.
People keep asking me for series that are "like Cradle" and I'm like "Eeeehhhh...a lot of the stuff I enjoy isn't really like Cradle, and the books that are like Cradle I often don't enjoy very much."
Here it is. This is my new answer: Iron Prince is like Cradle, and it's really good, and you should read it if the premise sounds at all appealing to you.
Personal Bias Disclaimer: I shared this book when it came out a month ago on Facebook, because I thought the cover looked cool and I trusted Bryce and Luke enough to know that the book would at least be good. At that point, I hadn't read it.
Now I've read it. It's way better than I thought it was going to be.
I've met Bryce and Luke in real life a couple of times, and they're both stellar human beings with eyes of diamond and hearts of granite, so I do know them a bit and I do consider them my friends.
But uh...being my friend is not a guarantee that I'll like or review your book. It may be the opposite, honestly. I give pretty brutal feedback to my loved ones.
Asking me for my opinion is like dangling your bloody hand over a shark. I have way closer friends whose books I didn't recommend here because I didn't like their story enough.
If I don't love the book, I don't recommend it.
I love this book, so I recommend it.
That's Will Wight's patented one-step review test. "Did you love the book? If yes, recommend."
A lot of people wonder what I'm doing in times like these, after I've just released a book and I'm in the process of starting another.
If you're one of those people, I thought you might enjoy me walking you through an average day in my life.
I set my alarm for a random time in the middle of the night, often roughly around three o'clock. As soon as it goes off, I sit up abruptly and yell "AHA!" to startle anyone who might be watching me sleep.
I haven't caught anyone yet, but one day it will pay off. One day.
This is about when I wake up. I'd like to sleep in longer, but by this point the owls are all pecking on the windows to be let in.
I don't have a shower, but my house is below sea level, so I just sort of open a hatch in my bathroom ceiling and let ocean water gush in.
After that, I normally have the traditional Floridian breakfast: fried gator tail and an entire orange, skin on.
Now I stack a bunch of empty boxes on a portable plastic table from Wal-Mart, carefully balance my laptop on top, and get to writing.
I start the writing day full of energy, optimism, and ideas.
Realize the book is terrible. Every word is worse than the one before.
Remember that I only have two days left before some self-imposed deadline. Roll a leftover orange from breakfast across the keyboard until the letters randomly form words.
The orange has spelled out "LOOK BEHIND YOU," so I spin just in time to catch the machete descending on my head.
It's the salty mariner who tethers his house-boat next to my home. He has once again decided to test my reflexes to ensure they are sharp enough to survive what he calls "The Coming Flesh-Storm."
Lunch! I check the traps.
If I've caught a shark, then shark meat's on the menu. If it's a mermaid, then I get a wish, so I wish for veal ravioli. If the traps are empty, I usually go to Chick-fil-A.
Except on Sunday. If the traps are empty on Sundays, then I have to settle for grilled seagull.
I've been in a trance for two hours, and I snap back to discover that another page has been added to my book manuscript. Nega-Will must have taken over my body again.
He likes to slip in excerpts from the Necronomicon to get people to accidentally summon eldritch demons.
I remove any references to Al'meg'nidyyn and all incomprehensible symbols, then I read the rest of what he wrote.
It's pretty good. His Dross lines are great.
At this point, I like to take a break and exercise.
I wrestle for a while with the manticore staying in my spare room. She takes it easy on me and usually doesn't inject me with much venom.
This is about when I wrap up writing for the day. I print out all the new pages and slip them into the Creativity Incubator, which will take the nonsense I wrote and magically make it good.
For dinner, I either heat up some leftovers or strike one of the Gnashing Fruit from the Seven-Headed Tree with my javelin. Either way, I relax afterwards in my full-immersion VR tank that I bought on clearance from Area 51.
While I wait in the decontamination chamber to get into my sleeping chamber, I hypnotize myself to encourage drowsiness.
When that doesn't work, I have to give up on the decontamination process and get my mariner neighbor to hit me on the back of the head with an oar. That usually does the trick, and I get to collapse face-first in my bed already asleep.
So anyway, that's pretty much what I do all day.
Level 84 Gengar
100% 2nd-to-Wintersteel draft
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