The Great Oreo Taste Test

9/10/2018

Micah's Elder Empire print sale is over, so I needed to replace the last blog post with something. But this is kind of last-minute, and I'm not sure what to say, so instead I'm going to make one of the most random posts I ever have and tell you about the Great Oreo Taste Test.

It was the birthday of one of my good friends this past weekend, and in lieu of a birthday cake, we bought every flavor of Oreo they had at the grocery store and tasted them all. With milk.

I know you guys burn to know my Oreo opinions, so here are my rankings (leaving out original and Double Stuf, which are obviously classics):

7.) Mint. Why would you ruin Oreos with mint? What is wrong with you?
6.) Mega Stuf. I never thought I would say this, but there was actually too much creme in these. I feel like a heretic for typing those words. Double Stuf is the perfect amount.
5.) Red Velvet. Not enough cream cheese flavor. This is like a regular Oreo that glimpsed a red velvet cake through a window one time.
4.) Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie. Everyone else rated this higher and the Cinnamon Bun lower, but what can I say? I just really liked the top three.
3.) Cinnamon Bun. Really gives the impression of biting into a tiny Cinnabon. This and #2 are basically a tie for me.
2.) Strawberry Shortcake. It's flavored after strawberry shortcake ice cream pops, not actual strawberry shortcake, and it's a flavor that translates well to cookie form. My friend put the cookies in the freezer for a few minutes, and I recommend it.
1.) Birthday Cake. Still the best alternate Oreo flavor. It's the only one I'd actually choose over classic Double Stuf. Sometimes.

And thus ended the Great Oreo Taste Test. Let me know your favorite Oreo flavors in the comments!

I will use this information to destroy you.

-Will

58 Comments

Drewe

9/10/2018 05:38:48 pm

Double stuff have too much creme. Classic oreo's still win the day (closely followed by birthday cake...)

ninjaessays reviews link

9/11/2018 09:17:38 am

You're quite unusual if you haven't tasted any type of area and didn't like it at your first bite. Actually, ore is one of thy favorite chocolate biscuits that is why I will never forget the very first time I got a bite of it! Mint flavor and red flavor have to be my favorite! Some were saying that mint flavor is not that pleasing and good tasting, but I have a different perception towards the mint flavor. As expected, red velvet flavor is always a bomb!

Ravi

9/10/2018 05:51:10 pm

I respectfully disagree Will. The best ones are the ones with the white and black cookie mix.

The Last Reader

9/10/2018 05:52:17 pm

Any OKAK updates on the horizon? and you can't go wrong with the Easter Oreos.

Bridget

9/10/2018 07:00:56 pm

I'm disappointed that it was "Oreo opinions" instead of "Oreopinions"

Will link

9/12/2018 10:30:21 am

You're absolutely right. I have failed you all.

Diego

9/10/2018 08:25:09 pm

What would London, Simon , Calder and Shera say about Oreos? The classic since it would take too long with the others.

9/12/2018 10:30:51 am

They would all say that Oreos are delicious, because they all have souls.

Sam

9/10/2018 09:19:25 pm

Thank you for your wisdom Will. I shall no go and purchase birthday cake Oreos.

Also. I would like to inquire on your opinions on the new spicy chicken wing oreos and the wasabi oreos.

9/12/2018 10:31:17 am

...I don't know if those are real, but if they are, I'm glad they didn't have them for this Oreo tasting contest.

9/13/2018 05:30:39 pm

You have to buy them on the internet, since they're only sold in China.

Nick

9/10/2018 09:23:43 pm

Damn you Will. I was supposed to be writing a paper on cyanide induced inhibition of cytochrome c oxidase in the electron transport chain, but instead I went out and bought all seven of these oreo brands.

Your plan to destroy me is already underway. After I fail this organic chemistry class, my hopes of becoming a doctor will be utterly crushed.

9/12/2018 10:31:45 am

But what you're doing now is really a practical test of organic chemistry.

William Hidden

9/12/2018 04:44:47 pm

In the glass half full universe eating all those Oreos(TM) should give you practical experience in treating/understanding sugar induced comatose and how high levels of insulin effects your concentration.

9/13/2018 05:32:03 pm

I will attempt to make that argument with my professor.

DesperateFan

9/10/2018 09:36:23 pm

I demand more random blog posts Will. In fact, from now on you should turn this into a 24/7 vlog, where you record every moment of your life.

9/12/2018 10:32:27 am

That would involve a distressingly large amount of me sitting at my computer. Not compelling viewing.

9/13/2018 05:52:56 pm

But then I could sit in front of my computer and watch you use the computer!

Kidpen link

9/10/2018 10:08:15 pm

"Why would you ruin Oreos with mint? What is wrong with you?"
*screams in rage*

9/12/2018 10:33:34 am

Oh, is that's what wrong with you? Is it the rage?

I promise, if you simply release your anger you will see that mint Oreos are made of rattlesnake venom and failure.

Quinn

9/10/2018 11:51:43 pm

It's nice that you got the regular flavors... but I was hoping for a more exotic twist. You can order chicken flavored Oreos from China... yes.. hot wing Oreos. Other flavors include root beer, candy corn, waffles and syrup , wasabi, and watermelon. What flavors are the best? The public needs to know!

9/12/2018 10:34:47 am

Well, I grabbed these at my local grocery store, and they don't stock any of those others you just listed.

Also, chicken-flavored Oreos sound almost as twisted and blasphemous as mint.

Koisok

9/11/2018 12:06:34 am

Mint is magic. Fight me.

Illar

9/11/2018 07:52:50 am

Yes, dark magic.

9/11/2018 07:48:48 pm

Ah, another intellectual I see.

9/12/2018 10:35:58 am

Let us fight! We duel with pool noodles at midnight.

Liko

9/13/2018 01:07:26 pm

Pay-Per-View Event. We'll make millions. We'll even choreograph a dramatic come back from within breaths of certain death to win. Yes. That.

Extesian

9/11/2018 01:08:13 am

For the next installment I challenge you to a Tim Tams tasting (Australia's National Biscuit). Flavours include Double Coated, Classic Dark, Chewy Caramel, Red Velvet, White Chocolate, Cappuccino, Coconut Lychee, Salted Caramel & Vanilla and Black Forest.

9/14/2018 09:16:08 pm

Great idea! Love me some Tim Tams.

Walter

9/11/2018 02:50:55 am

I needed to know this. I also need to know *SPOILERS AVERT YOUR EYES NOW* how the emperor’s original companions are still alive if the emperor had to bind himself to the heart just to live longer, and why nobody considers them like great elders at this point if they did the emperor. I also need to know if great elders used to be people, since kelarac talks about when he used to be a merchant. THESE ARE NECESSITIES. Also, I feel like a lot of the time people are like OMG DONT EVEN TRY TO READ THAT, YOU'LL LOSE YOUR MIND and then they low key just read it anyway. Can you improve your reading beyond application of a skill? I think yes, but why don’t people practice it like the sacred arts? Was the emperor so strong because he had 1500 years to practice or because of the heart? Is that like lindon’s Bond to orthos? How come the emperor wasn’t burned out like lindon would have been, regardless of his willpower, if he bonded with a farther advanced sacred animal? Is kelarac a bad guy? I feel like maybe? But I feel like he’s done tons for Calder and it’s not unreasonable for Calder to take a side with him if it’s not great elders vs humans but more like great elders vs great elders. Also, it seems a little inconsistent that they’d be married for so long, and then all of a sudden Jerri is super unhinged and then we find out she’s been unhinged the whole time, just managed to not be unhinged about it. I don’t actually want any of these questions answered. The books are awesome, you rock- I start Darkness and Dawn tomorrow(I prefer calder’s storyline, so I read it first.)

9/11/2018 02:54:25 am

If they did something like the emperor* as in if they bonded with different great elders. Do we find out where Bliss’ sword came from? Is everyone powerful secretly partnered up with a great elder and the sleepless just don’t realize? How can the guild heads stand up to the intent of other guild head weapons if Calder has a kickass sword and a mark of kelarac and can barely handle it or even get woozy from inside the armor?

9/11/2018 02:56:21 am

I allay a lot of my burning questions about cradle by telling myself you have a ton of books left to explain them, but if EE is just a trilogy I don’t think I could handle it 😭

9/12/2018 10:40:41 am

That's a lot of questions, Walter, but I'll answer the least spoiler-y!

The Emperor's original companions were asleep in coffins designed by the Emperor to prolong their lives. They are awakened only when the Empire is in great crisis, and then put back to sleep.

The Great Elders were never people in the sense that you mean. But there is a human origin to them all.

Yes, you can improve your Reading.

The Emperor is strong both because he's naturally gifted and because he's had so long to grow and practice.

Reading isn't trained like the sacred arts because the magic system is a lot harder to quantify than the sacred arts. A madra technique literally starts to crystallize in the practitioner's soul as a binding, so there are measurable and observable effects. Reading is much more difficult to boil down to a tangible process.

9/18/2018 11:18:37 am

Thank you!!! Could you awaken or invest your hair? Also, I’ve been picturing the magic systems as all ways to get closer to ‘the Way’. Is this wrong? Can those who have taken on limbs of monsters invest those? Can you learn reading or are you just born with it? It seems like everyone is even a little aware of intent, so could they practice and become a full reader? What would happen if you invested something like a chess board or book or diary? Readers are known to have odd items with investment on them, can we get an example? For the next fan-suggestion writing exercise i’d suggest the investment/awakening of old regular items that produce interesting results. Sorry- just finished all of the EE, and I’m neck deep in lore.

Deadnettle

9/11/2018 09:05:49 am

Man, I have to assume that these flavors are common in the US of A, but where I hail from special flavors are a limited time thing. Currently the only special flavor I could find was a pumpkin spice oreo (aside from the regular variants like double stuffed)

Jerry

9/11/2018 10:47:11 am

Your distaste for the clearly superior mint oreos concerns me.

9/11/2018 07:51:32 pm

Oh phew, I was worried that this comment would be filled with a bunch of heathens like Will. In fact, this blog post has made it so the only thing separating me from never reading a Will book again is fantastic writing, an awesome fanbase, him being a really cool guy and engaging with his fans, and the fact that I need to know what happens next.

I should probably not respond to everybody who says that they like mint oreos.

9/12/2018 10:29:35 am

I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just saying that mint Oreos are what they feed to mutineers in Hell.

9/15/2018 02:28:31 pm

Hmmm so you're saying Narka Travelers like mint Oreo? That's the closest thing to hell in your series.

Garbagiel the Raccoon

9/11/2018 12:23:03 pm

Lemon creme oreo is clearly the best!

Keytar

9/11/2018 07:29:02 pm

I feel deprived up here in Canada. I have never seen Birthday Cake, or Mega Stuff, or Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie, or Red Velvet. Maybe we have them, I haven't tried them.

Mint Oreos are fantastic, and Double Stuff are so superior to original Oreos that I can't believe that Mega Stuff is a step in the wrong direction.

Ever tried Firework Oreos? They're just normal Oreos with like, pop rocks in the white filling.

9/17/2018 05:41:38 pm

Update: I have located Birthday Cake Oreos. They are delicious.

Tower God

9/22/2018 07:17:00 pm

Wait till you see apple pie oreos I bought in walmart there soooo guuuddd

A Sinister Person Snooping on the Blog

9/11/2018 11:48:10 pm

My favorite is Double Stuff. No doubt. Second is Mint…I love Mint. Out of the rest of the ones, I think I’ve only tried Birthday Cake…but I seem to remember an Oreo with Peanut Butter inside, too, but, whatever the case, Birthday Cake is still my third favorite. Unless we’re counting the Classic Oreo, which comes after Mint…because I love Mint. Oh, and as a bonus fact, I never want to try the Red Velvet, as I hate cream cheese.

Asterion

9/12/2018 01:11:23 am

This is a pretty good list. I personally love the cinnamon cookies, followed by the birthday cake cookies as far as alternate flavors go. I'm not a huge fan of regular oreos and actually prefer the golden cookies, but with double stuf. Once you've had double the regular amount of creme feels like a rip-off.

Matthew

9/12/2018 03:02:19 am

I'm right there with you, never really cared for original but the golden Oreos are, well, golden. I'm personally affronted that Mr Wight didn't include them. Here's hoping he meant to include them in the classics he mentioned.

Reddan

9/12/2018 08:57:55 am

Apparently I have been slacking in the Oreo field of research. I didn't even know about some of these flavors. I'll be back, probably much later and at least a few pounds heavier.

Madeline

9/12/2018 12:29:14 pm

But see Will, mint Oreos are not actually Oreos. They are substitutes for Thin Mints which are available year round and therefore they are actually ranked second best on the list of Thin Mints and Thin Mints Substitutes and do not belong on an Oreo ranking chart at all.

Josh

9/12/2018 06:02:29 pm

As surprisingly enlightened this point makes me feel, I can't help but feel like you are implying that thin mints are superior to mint oroes. But that can't be the case, right?

Member of the one, true, right tribe

9/12/2018 09:09:56 pm

I wouldn't eat a mint oreo, even if there was a fire. Burn them all!

Adarsh

9/15/2018 06:49:20 am

You didn't try any cookies and cream flavored oreos?

piratesrok

9/17/2018 09:37:57 am

Dear Will,
I just read through all five of the Foundation books and was anticipating book 6. However, after reading your opinions on mint oreos, I may have to reconsider. How can you NOT love mint-chocolate anything?!? I am flabbergasted.

Ancient Sage on a Mountain

9/18/2018 04:52:47 pm

Mint chocolate is disgusting in anything not ice-cream, and should be banned.

Magnus

9/19/2018 08:09:44 pm

You awaken in a dimly lit room, the door, the window, all barred and boarded. Musty and mold smells exacerbate your headache as you come to and take in your surroundings. Naked bulb with a broken pull chain dimly lights the room, graffiti covers the mildewed walls broken only by the peeling of wallpaper. No sounds come from the house. A mail slot crudely hacked and added to the bottom of the door reveals a tray of stale bread, two bottles of water and a dozen of only red skittles. The only furnishings around are dirty mattress with stains better left unexplored. A card table with chair. Atop the table is a typewriter and stack of paper. One page has been pre loaded, upon it, you see the words and know... know you have spawned a monster and done this to yourself. It simply says.... "Underlord, or there will be only MINT OREOS!"

Somewhat creepy joking about your hatred of mint oreos aside, I love your work! Eager to read the next one. Dunno why I find the cradle series so compelling but most certainly enjoyed it and recommend it to all of my friends. Out of the thousands of titles I've read I'd probably put it solid in my top 10 for how much I enjoyed it. Keep it up :)

Tower Gawd

9/22/2018 07:17:55 pm

Apple pie and red velvet and birthday cake oreos are the best

Crow

10/3/2018 07:35:23 pm

Mint Oreos are tied with original Oreos.

Pat

10/9/2018 01:51:37 pm

I know this is late and no one will read this, but i am surprised that in the conversation about mistake flavors of oreos no mentioned how bad the peep flavored ones are

10/9/2018 02:40:27 pm

I was subscribed and read it if it makes you feel better. I had them once. Much rather have actual peeps and they taste like a mashmellow had violent awkward hate sex with styrofoam and the resultant child was forced to live with the horrible parental relationship for a couple of decades before being eaten.

In which we ramble on.
And by we, I mean me.