[No spoilers, just my impressions.]
Every once in a while, when I'm watching a movie and a line of dialogue is especially wooden, cliché, on-the-nose, or just plain stupid, I say "gross" out loud. It's a reflex. I don't know I'm doing it.
I said "gross" a lot during this movie.
I'm usually not one to throw stones about dialogue, because Lord knows it's not like my characters belong in a Tarantino movie. But there were a few lines in Captain Marvel that...stood out in an unfortunate manner.
That's my least-important observation out of the way. The bulk of the movie was just forgettable. It's a bland sandwich. I can't picture myself ever watching this again, and I can't imagine a reason to do so.
There were some fundamental story issues I had with it; for instance, the film pretends that the heroine goes through an arc, but she doesn't, which robs the ending of all tension or emotional weight. She's the same person in the first scene that she is in the last, barring only superficial changes.
That's an example, and I could go on, but there's really no point. The underlying story structure of the movie wasn't as broken as many others, and that's too much of an intellectual argument anyway.
Let's get to the heart of it: it was boring. I was bored.
Most of the action sequences are chase scenes with no stakes. If the good guys fail to catch the bad guys...so what? I'm not led to believe that something terrible is going to happen. Just that the chase will go on. So the chases feel pointless.
Carol (Captain Marvel) is the strongest person around from the very beginning, so I'm never afraid she's going to lose a fight. In fact, there are a few times where the movie pretends she's going to lose, but it's contradictory to the powers she already has--she gets physically restrained by ordinary humans at one point in the middle.
Whenever we watch any solo superhero movie, we know they're going to win in the end. In that sense, there should be no tension. But there usually is, because the story is told well, and emphasizes what's at stake and how the heroes might lose if they don't dig deep and evolve beyond the person they were.
Here's the bottom line: my sister was really looking forward to Marvel's first solo superheroine movie, and she was excited to buy a Captain Marvel cosplay to wear to conventions this year. She usually goes as Wonder Woman, or Belle, or Rey.
When she walked out of the theater this time, she said, "Man, I'm glad I didn't buy that costume."
Level 70 Gengar
Or he was dead.
82% Wintersteel-sized draft
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